Collision of Worlds - Chapter 17

The gun strapped to Abdullah’s hip felt like it weighed at least a thousand pounds.

Now that he was here, standing in the same room where he’d been raised to First Officer two years earlier, the true weight of what was happening had started to settle in. It was no longer a “what if” question about how to handle the trial but had become completely real. His hands felt clammy, and he was sick to his stomach.

He’d thought he understood the weight of his decision while he debated with himself and Eddie in his chambers, but this was something different entirely. The idea that he would have to use the weapon to take a man’s life…it was something he was struggling to come to terms with.

He’d already told the Captain what he intended to do and that he planned to execute Gregory Tillman for the crime of rape. However, that was before he’d come into the room and been surrounded by the other officers of Denigen’s Fist. He knew that this proceeding was being broadcast to the entire ship, and likely beyond, which meant everyone would be watching his next moves.

Maybe it would be better if he walked his decision back? He still had time to change his mind and spare the Ensign for his crimes. After all, the only three people who knew of his decision were himself, Eddie, and Captain Grove. Maybe a better alternative to death would be to forgive the man and give him a second chance.

He would lose the Captain’s respect, but the alternative was executing a criminal in front of thousands of people. He saw the accused soldier standing on the far side of the room, covered in a sheen of sweat, an expression of terror on his face. Two guards flanked him, standing ready in case he tried to escape.

He wasn’t just a name on a piece of paper anymore. He was a young man—Gods, so young—with dreams and ambitions and aspirations. He didn’t look like a terrible person and, in fact, seemed more like a child than anything else.

That didn’t excuse what he had done, but how could Abdullah repay one horrible act with another?

Gregory didn’t know how this day would turn out; he had no idea if his First Officer would spare him or execute him, or something in between. The only thing Gregory was certain of right now was that his fate was in the hands of another man.

Abdullah’s hands.

Jamir Paskin walked to the podium in front of the officers, a blank expression on his face and right hand resting comfortably on his ample stomach. He looked dignified in his Fist uniform despite the fact that he wasn’t a soldier.

Abdullah wished he could look that dignified. Or at least as dignified as the other Officers in the room. He knew they were all judging him and doubtless they were finding him lacking in every facet that mattered. Never before had he felt more like an imposter.

Jamir waved for the guards to bring Gregory Tillman in front of the crowd. A few people murmured now that things were underway, and Abdullah felt sick to his stomach.

The guards half dragged and half carried the soldier over, holding his arms to keep him on his feet. Gregory’s face was covered in a sheen of sweat, and the fear and disorientation was evident in his expression.

No, it wasn’t all sweat, Abdullah realized he was also crying.

“Gregory Tillman,” Jamir Paskin began, addressing both the soldier and the crowd. “You stand accused of the crime of rape against Ensign Victoria Bloom. How do you plead?”

The man mumbled something.

“Speak up and enter your plea before God and man.”

“Not guilty,” Gregory said, his voice barely audible.

“It shall be noted that the accused has entered a not guilty plea. However, the evidence in this case has been weighed and the decision will be presented forthwith…”

Jamir droned on, listing off the evidence against the soldier. It included the rape kit that had been gathered after the incident as well as a lot of character references and witnesses who had given testimony. No witnesses were called, and that was at Abdullah’s request. He felt like the dog and pony show was elaborate enough with bringing a crying woman to the stand to explain what happened to her.

He somewhat regretted that decision now; seeing Victoria tell her story might help reinforce his confidence in the decision he had made. After all, she was the victim, not Gregory.

She hadn’t been brought into the trial today, but he imagined she was watching the events take place from her quarters or maybe in the mess hall surrounded by her friends. What would she want him to do? Would she want Gregory to die?

“You okay?” Eddie whispered beside him.

Abdullah didn’t look at his friend, but he did nod slightly. He had no idea if he was really okay or not, but telling Eddie about the thoughts going through his head wouldn’t help anyone. He was grateful that Eddie was here with him today; he knew exactly where his friend stood on the issue and that made it a little easier to deal with. He knew that Eddie wouldn’t judge him for what he was about to do.

He wasn’t so sure, however, that he wouldn’t judge himself.

He’d never actually killed anyone before. Decisions he made had resulted in people dying, but he was never the one to actually pull the trigger. There was always a layer of separation, but now he was trying to come to terms with the idea that he was about to actually end someone’s life. He was a soldier, sure, and he had seen a lot of death…but he’d never explicitly caused it before.

“I’m all right,” he lied, hoping to appease his friend.

“This is kind of crazy,” Eddie said. “Are you really going to go through with it?”

“Yes. The crime needs to be dealt with harshly so that everyone understands that their actions have consequences.”

“That sounds like the Captain talking.”

“You supported this decision.”

“It’s what I would do,” Eddie agreed. “But…”

“But, what?”

Eddie was silent for a long moment.

“Do you want me to do it?” Eddie asked finally. “Officers almost never carry out the actual execution after sentencing. You can just give your decree about what’s going to happen, and I’ll take care of it.”

Abdullah let out a sigh, feeling an overwhelming feeling of love for his dear friend, but he knew he couldn’t accept the offer.

‘Thank you, but no,” he said. “I’m the one that decided to take this man’s life. What kind of leader would I be if I was too much of a coward to do it myself?”

“Good,” Eddie replied, letting out a breath of air. “I’m glad you said that. I’m not sure I could have actually done it.”

Abdullah fell silent, half listening to Jamir as he wrapped up delivering the information about the crime. The fat man didn’t say anything about the punishment for such a crime because technically none had been decided yet.

There is still time, he knew. Time to change my mind and pardon Gregory.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. Gregory had made a terrible mistake and clearly regretted his actions, yet what he’d done was unforgivable. He had harmed a young woman and needed to pay for that crime because Victoria Bloom would need to live with that her entire life.

And yet, he wondered, what life would Gregory have after he took it from him?

“First Officer Abdullah Al Hakir,” Jamir said, ripping Abdullah out of his thoughts.

He blinked, realizing that the entire room was staring at him.

No doubt this wasn’t the first time he’d been addressed. Many of the officers had amused expressions on their faces. Captain Grove was frowning at him. Jamir, on the other hand, seemed perfectly patient and content to wait as long as it took for Abdullah to gather his thoughts.

He cleared his throat.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to commence with the sentencing?”

Abdullah rubbed his sweaty hands on his pants. “Yes, of course.”

“You’ve got this,” he heard Eddie whisper beside him. He didn’t spare a glance at his friend, but having his support meant the world to him.

He stepped out of the line of gathered officers and approached the condemned man. As he walked, he drew his pistol, feeling the weight in his hand as he hefted the weapon. He felt his hand shaking and prayed that the cameras broadcasting his image didn’t catch it.

He took a deep and steadying breath, stopped behind the soldier, and said, “Gregory Tillman, you stand charged with this crime, and you have been found guilty.”

He stood behind the man, watching him squirm as he heard the verdict brought down.

“No…no please…” Gregory begged, trying to pull loose and turn around to face Abdullah. “Please…you have to understand…”

The guards held him in an iron grip, refusing to let go.

Abdullah raised his gun and aimed it at the back of the man’s head. The entire moment felt surreal, like he was standing outside his own body and watching it happen. He could hardly believe that this was him standing here about to execute one of his soldiers.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Please…she was willing,” Gregory pleaded. “She asked me to stop, and I should have stopped, but when we started, she was willing.”

“The sentence for this crime is…”

He trailed off, feeling the words catch in his throat. Time seemed to slow down, and he could see the sweat on the back of the man’s neck. He could see the way his arms twitched as he tried to jerk free.

Gregory was a young man, alive and vibrant, a living creature created by God. He was a criminal, but he was also alive. Abdullah had been taught from a young age by his parents that all lives were sacred and that no life should be taken when there was any alternative.

All lives were sacred, even those of a criminal.

If that was true, how could Abdullah kill this man?

The Captain wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger and put a bullet in Gregory’s brain. She would throw him out of the ship’s airlock to drift through space without a moment’s hesitation and forget about him the second he was out of her line of sight.

But he wasn’t the Captain.

He lowered the gun.

“Your sentence for this crime is seven years in the brig followed by a dishonorable discharge. You will be confined to a cell until the allotted time has passed without any chance of early parole.”

He took a step back, breathing easier than he had in days, and holstered his weapon.

“Take him away,” he ordered to the guards holding Gregory.

They dragged Gregory, who was no longer struggling, to the door and out into the hallway. He paused at the door and glanced back, a look of relief on his face.

Then he was gone, carried away to his cell.

Abdullah glanced around and saw that the entire room of officers was staring at him, many with confused expressions on their faces. Mouths were hanging open in shock, and some even looked afraid. They hadn’t known explicitly what was going to happen today, but they knew what was supposed to happen.

This wasn’t it.

They’d been fully expecting, like he had, to have an execution here today, and none of them seemed to know what exactly had happened.

Abdullah met Jamir’s eyes. The pudgy man had a curious expression on his face, but he also looked pleased. He nodded at Abdullah, tilting his head toward the door, suggesting that maybe it was time he left.

He took the cue and walked out, not looking back. He didn’t stop walking until he was back in his own chambers, and then he allowed himself to admit how afraid he was. He knew in his heart that he had made the right decision for himself. When he really thought about it, there was no way he could have gone through with executing the soldier.

Every life was sacred.

But he also knew that he’d screwed everything up with his position aboard the ship. This had been a test by the Captain, he knew.

And he had failed.